


Orion's Constellation

by AndraLondon09



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pain, Sad, Spoilers, aot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29878590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndraLondon09/pseuds/AndraLondon09
Summary: (MAJOR CH 138 LEAKS IN THIS CH)WARNING: You WILL cry.Your conversations with Jean finally add up.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Reader, Jean Kirstein/Connie Springer, Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 63





	Orion's Constellation

**Author's Note:**

> I blame the CH 138 spoilers and this fic for my depression (its 5am btw) . Listened to a lot of Mitski for this fic and I'm crying. Please share this with your friends (if they're ok with potential spoilers tho).
> 
> Also, you will find occasional typos and/or small Grammar mistakes bc I wrote this from  
> 3-5am. Sorry.

“That’s Orion’s Constellation.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I just do, just look at that hourglass-like shape.” using your index finger to outline the shape, he nods as he lays beside you. “See it?” 

He tilts his head, all while adjusting the arm that rests under his head. His other hand rests on his stomach.

“Yeah I see it. What’s his story?” 

“In Greek Mythology, he was known as one of the most handsome men- he happened to be a Hunter. The cool thing about Greek Mythology is that there’d more than one story when it comes to just about anything. In one story, Orion falls in love with this girl- I think her name was Merope. Anyways,” you continue on with your story as Jean has his head turned to you while you speak, watching the stars. Jean’s eyes can’t help but focus on the way your hair falls onto the fabric of the blanket that separates you from the grass, and the way the stars reflect on your eyes. 

He thought that you were truly breath-taking. 

“What do you think will happen to all of us when this war is over?” he asks. 

“I’m not really sure.” you answer truthfully. “I might work with the children of the underground. I’ve had a few talks with Captain Levi on that, and it seems like that’s one alternative. So I might be going back and forth trying to do that before I settle down.” 

Jean’s eyebrows slightly move. “What do you mean by that?” he asks. 

Your cheekbones tightened before you released a much needed exhale. 

“You know, settling down -starting a family. I’d like to be married and settle down. There’s been so much chaos in such a short amount of time, I’d like to be able to live in a private place with my husband and kids. Our only worries would be the kids, and we’d live a peaceful life- no more Titans to worry about. I’ll live an old age, and be surrounded by my Grandchildren as I tell them stories about my youth while the fireplace is on. Seems a bit cliche, but I’d like some stability for once.” You turn to him, “That’s not too silly, is it?” 

  
  


“No, no.” he quickly shakes his head. “That sounds like a good life.” he agrees. 

“Tell me more about that life, how many kids would you like?” 

You sighed, placing both hands on your stomach, folding your legs up. 

“I’d like to say two.” you tell Jean before turning to the stars. “But I’d be lying to myself if I wouldn’t want 4- two boys and two girls. Of course, that’s just talk. It’ll just depend on my husband and I; depends how much we’re willing to work with.” you lightly laugh at the last part. 

“Hey,” Jean bumps in with a small smile. 

“You’ve been with the scouts for years now, how bad can raising kids be?” he asked before the two of you erupted in belly-filling laughs. 

“Don’t know,” you answer. “Diapers?” 

“Seems deadly.” 

“ _ Very _ deadly.” you elaborate on Jean's comment before turning to him. 

“What about you?” you asked as you turned your body to fully face him.

“What’s your plan after all of this is done, Section Commander?” you tease. 

  
  


He laughs, exasperatedly, “Don’t call me that.” shaking his head, he settles into his thoughts. 

“I guess I’m just like you after hearing your plans.” he tells you. 

“I want to pursue drawing, maybe writing. But for that, I’d need to live in a quiet place. I was thinking of building a home where I could work in, maybe have a family in there too.” 

You nod. “And kids?” 

“As many as my wife wants.” he says, “It’s her body, so she can decide how many she wants to have. But of course, we have to be on the same page.” Turning your way, Jean rests his cheek on the palm of his hand. 

“But we’ll have to agree on one thing though.” 

  
  


“And what’s that?” you ask, slowly leaning in. 

  
  


“That we’ll  _ never  _ have cats. No exceptions. Maybe a dog, or two- but never cats.” 

  
  


You gasped. “Goodluck trying to find a wife willing to put up with you.” 

  
  


_ Already have,  _ Jean thinks. 

_ And I’m looking right at her.  _

_ He laughs. This felt good, laughing felt good, staying the night while talking with you felt good. Maybe this wasn’t a crush.  _

  
  
  


“But she’ll be a lucky woman.” 

“Oh yeah?” you ask with a raised eyebrow. “Lucky on what?” 

“Her husband is going to be the finest man on this earth.” 

“HA!” you snorted, shooting your head back. “I guess you better add cocky to the list as well.” 

“Oh, so you think I’m handsome?” Jean asks, eyes filling with something you can’t tell as his cockiness grows. “You said it yourself  _ ‘I guess you better add cocky to the list’” _ . 

His words leave you dumbfounded for a second as his smirk grows stronger by the minute, Feeling your cheekbones tighten by the second, you instinctively reach for your sleeping bag before slamming him with it. 

“Ouch! What the hell was that for?” 

“You’re being too cocky.” you tell him as if you were writing down an observation. 

“Too cocky that it’s brought you up 30% on the arrogant meter.” 

“Aw come on!” he complains, sitting up as you were. 

“Wasn’t I like 25% arrogant last week?” he asks. 

You nod. 

“Yup. And now you’re bumped up to 55% arrogant.” 

  
  


“You’re a crazy woman, you know that?” 

  
  


You release a ‘humph!” 

“And you’re an arrogant, cocky, section commander can’t see past his nose!” you say as you hold the bag in your lap. 

“I swear you’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days.” 

++

Unlike any day today, exhaustion and adrenaline filled your bloodstream. You couldn’t remember the last time you had anything to drink and your muscles were beginning to sore. On your right, Captain Levi placed a hand on his hip before shaking his head. 

“Many of you can’t stay here,” he states. You knew when he ever spoke like this, it was a fact.  _ Not  _ an opinion. 

“Mikasa and I can tolerate the smoke, but the rest of you cannot.” he explains. 

“So all of you will have to go.” 

“We’re not doing that,” Jean cuts him off. “We’re not risking your life, Captain. You are probably the most sane out of all of us and the most rational besides Armin. We need you alive.” He says before looking at the disaster of what was about to come from far away. Turning his head to face Connie, the two share an almost telepathic interaction before they both nod. 

“You can all go. Connie and I will stand our ground.” he turns to his trusted comrade, “like we always have.” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“We might be,” adds Connie. “But Jean’s right- we need the Ackerman’s alive more than ever. Our lives won’t make much of a difference if we die here or not. Maybe our skills, but that’s sparable. This is our only shot to getting things done.” 

You want to say something. You want to, but you can’t. Your feet are tied to the ground, your throat feels hollow, and you feel like an outsider watching from afar- watching the possibility of your worst case scenario happen before your eyes. In hopes of Levi rejecting his plan, you turn to look at him, contemplation fills his eye as he holds his glare away from the two. He balls his left fist before lightly hitting on his femur, indicating that he was making an option. 

“They’re right.” he admits. “They’ve got a point.” turning to the rest of the group, he turns back to Connie and Jean. “As much as I hate to agree with them right now, it’d take an idiot to not agree with them.” 

Shaking your head, you ball your fists. Jean’s attention turns to you as he gives you a look a child would have when they’d miss the bus. 

“You can’t do this.” you tell him. Denial creeps as the hairs on your body stand. 

“You can’t do this Jean! You know it! Connie,” you turn to his friend, walking over to him before you pull him by the straps near his shoulders. 

“Connie, you and I both know this is a crazy idea.” you stared straight into his eyes with gritted teeth. As much as you tried to convince him with your eyes, you felt as if you were talking to a rock. You hated that the possibility was closer than you expected. 

You  _ hated  _ this. 

You hated everyone for not speaking up.

You hated Levi for agreeing with them. 

You hated Jean for being like this, and your desperation grew by the minute. 

You hated  _ everyone  _ around you right now.

_ Including yourself.  _

“Connie! Answer me Goddamint!” You shouted loudly as you tighten your grip on his straps. “Don’t be an idiot! Have some common sense! This isn’t a suicide mission you can just return from!” 

**Anger.**

  
  


Connie shook his head, numbness filled his eyes. Knowing that there was no changing his mind, you slowly let him go, backing away from him you shook your head. 

“I’m sorry (y/n).” 

You furiously shake your head.   
“No...we can do something else! We can get more bombs! More explosions!” Nerves reaching your bones, you tried to find a compromise. Another plan. Anything  _ but  _ that. 

**Bargaining.**

  
  


_ Damnit. Why couldn’t you think straight? Why not now? Why now? Why Jean? Why Connie? Why was everyone agreeing? Dammit. _ This silence was driving you insane _. WHY WAS EVERYONE SILENT?!?!?! _

“Jean.” you turned to him before heading his way. You held onto his straps for dear life. Lowering over him, he holds your elbows as a means of support. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of doing this. Please. Please don’t. We can think of a better plan if we think.” You desperately turned to the crowd who quietly watched your breakdown. 

“THINK OF SOMETHING DAMNIT!” you said, using your lungs. “Don’t just stand there! All of you! Help us find a plan!” 

Jean shakes his head. “(Y/N), it’s okay. We already have a plan-” 

“-That’s not a plan.” you stubbornly shake your head before an explosion erupts from afar. 

“That’s them.” Pieck says as the colors of the explosion reflect against her eyes. 

“You guys better leave now if you want to make it out.” 

  
  


Turning to Jean, you pulled his sleeve. “Jean, come on, please.” you begged as you tried to move him your way. 

But there was no use. He was too strong. 

“Please Jean.” you pull him against you, growing tired. _ Why were your legs wanting to give up now? Why now? _

“You can’t stay here. You can’t die. Not here, not now.” placing your head to his chest you shake your head as if you were a child. With his mouth, Jean mouth’s to Levi to start loading up.

And to take you with them. 

‘‘I’m going to be okay.” he says through a clenched jaw.

“We have a plan, and I’ve got you to yell at me. When this is over, you can yell at me all you want- I promise. Everyone’s waiting for you, you should go. It’s safer.” 

  
  


You shake your head. Tears are already threatening to fall; and your nose stings. 

_ The worst kind of crying. _

“That doesn’t mean anything.” you confess, trying to not let out any sobs. 

“I’m only safe when I’m with you.” 

Jean’s body tenses. 

“ _ Please _ .” he asks. 

“Go with them. I’ll be able to focus more when I’m not concerned about your safety.” 

  
  


“You can’t die!!!” you hit your breaking point. 

“Please Jean! Not like this. You don’t deserve this! You deserve your little house! You deserve to live in your little house away from all of this-surrounded by your silly little paintings.” you begin to talk faster, nerves jittering. 

“You have your family, your dogs!” You laugh as you look at him. 

“No cats though, right? You don’t like cats! HAHAHA! YOU DON’T LIKE CATS! YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THEM!” 

Jean bites his lip, he knows you’re having a breakdown. This wasn’t you. He understood your feelings, but a part of him wished to see the real you. Even if it was his last memory. 

“Please Jean.” You whisper, coming down from your hysteria.

“You can’t leave. I don’t want to be alone. I need you.” 

“You won’t be alone.” he answers before kissing your hand. “You’re always with me, in my heart. Always. But please, go. The sooner the better.” 

You shook your head.  _ Were you stalling? Finding an excuse?  _ You didn’t know. 

Using your hands, you bring them up to his face: wiping down some occasional dirt and blood from a slight scratch, combing through his hair, and caressing his cheek. Actions you’ve never done, but felt essential now. 

More than ever. 

_ “I love you.”  _ you confess before you pull him for a hug. It’s strong, needy, loving, everything you ever needed. And that was Jean. 

“I love you too.” he says back through your hug. 

“Always have. I knew it since that night. Orion.” he explains. 

“Remember that night?” 

“Mhm” 

“Okay good.” he nods through your hug. “Be a good girl for me and go where it’s safe. I want this to end too. I want another night like that.” he says, breathlessly chuckling. 

“Can you do that for me?” he asks before pulling away, lifting your chin with his thumb and index finger. 

You nod absentmindedly. He smiles before pressing a warm kiss to your forehead. 

“That’s my girl.” he says before he cups your cheek, slightly squeezing it. 

“Levi.” He turns to the Captain. 

“You should all leave now. Someone take (Y/N) with them. Make sure she’s okay.” 

Pieck nods, stepping in while she wraps an arm around your waist. You slowly slip from Jean’s embrace. Hands on his shoulders go to biceps. Biceps go to wrists, wrists go to hands. And eventually fingertips. 

It takes all of Jean’s strength to not go back to you. You don’t know it, but he’s silently fighting every fiber in his being; resisting the urge to hold you again. _ Why now out of every moment?  _

“You should walk her to Falco.” advises Pieck. “At Least we’ll know she’s on.” 

Taking consideration of Pieck’s plan, Jean nods before he walks you over to Falco; his arm is safely secured around you as he presses a kiss at the top of your head. He felt at his best and worst at the same time while he walked you. He was finally holding you like this-knowing that you returned his feelings; but this was possibly his last time with you. He bit his tongue. 

Unfortunately, the walk wasn’t long. And this was no fairytale. Life wasn’t colored pink, it wasn’t at all kind to those who were everything defined by kindness. And when it comes to Death, Death frankly didn’t give a shit if you were the kindest person on this planet or the worst. You were still a person. And your due time could happen at any moment. You were at Death’s mercy for all you knew. And you feared Jean was next. 

As he had helped you up, he had other members hold you from trying to leave. Before he parted ways, he placed his forehead to yours before placing a soft kiss between the area of where a dimple would be, and the corner of your lips. 

“You were always the wife.” he said before leaving. 

Feeling as if you were drugged, you felt your breathing weaken as he now had his back turned to you-walking away with balled up fists. He did though, talk to Levi about something you couldn’t hear. The two of them share a short conversation before they each salute each other. Each man walked separate ways. 

**_Your heart dropped to your stomach._ **

  
  


_ “Alright.” said Levi. “Let’s go before this shit-show turns any worse.”  _

_ And that’s when you slowly feel Falco moving. Trying to follow Jean with your eyes, you see that he never turned back to see you. Not once after his confession. Once he was reunited with Connie, the two of them shared an arm around each other.  _

_ That’s when another explosion follows, this time closer, and Levi rushes Falco to hurry.  _

_ He does.  _

_ As you were now lifted into the sky, you feel your cheek is soaked with your own tears. You couldn’t do anything now but sit and watch. You felt as with every passing second, a piece of your heart shattered little by little; leaving a trail and all belonging to Jean.  _

_ That’s when your mind turned to your happiest moments with him. The memories numbed your pain as the last thing you saw was Jean’s back. Your final thought?  _

_ Orion’s Constellation.  _


End file.
